The 2016 Election, or; I Didn’t Know Pigs could Fly

Shalom everyone. Jim the Honorary Jew here. This little tome is a bit different from my regular JHJ soliloquies. It started as the introduction of another post dealing with Jewish laws and traditions that is almost ready for prime time. But after consulting my senior editors I have decided to let this part stand alone. After you have read it there is a 50/50 chance you will unfriend me and you won’t have to read what comes next.
You haven’t heard from me lately because I’ve been busy watching every minute of the presidential campaign on cable TV. I took it on like a science project, gathering slanted information from all three cable news outlets, consolidating responses and formulating conclusions. Oh, I had my favorites, but I must admit I watched them all. It was a lot like an addict watching porn. You know it’s going to cause long term damage, but you just can’t turn away. I was watching a slow motion wreck involving two garbage trucks, and I loved it! But then the unthinkable happened. My side lost. It was almost as bad as when the Cowboys lost the playoff game two years ago because of a bad call by the refs. Okay, it turned out to be the correct call, but they still lost and I’m still mad.
Since the results were announced at 3:00 AM on that Wednesday (of course I was watching) I have been trying to formulate a succinct argument that would demonstrate the faulty logic of the other side and lead them into the light. I have consulted individuals and experts from both sides of the political spectrum to further this quest. I then utilized my acerbic wit, logic and intelligence to craft a response befitting this conundrum while also keeping in mind the appropriate parsimony of an Occum’s razor response. I am pretty sure I’ve succinctly captured the sentiment of all eight Democrats in Victoria County with this retort, so here it is:

DONALD TRUMP IS A BIG FAT FATTY FAT MCFAT FAT LYING LIAR LIAR PANTS ON FIRE!

So there!

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