Why Hillary Lost

Hi everybody. I need to preface this little tome with an explanation of why I am discussing politics on my 43rd anniversary, since the last time I wrote about the election I lost half my friends. Although politics is mentioned, it is merely a backdrop for my story. It’s like the fake scenery used as a backdrop in ’40’s movies; not even close to reality but it serves it’s purpose. Stay tuned. This really a love story. And, as a bonus, I also provide an explanation for why I am partially responsible for Donald Trump’s election victory. So read on! It may be worth it.

Last August I was glued to the television taking in all the political talk available, and there was a lot.The Republican convention had run it’s course and Mr. Trump was about to be unleashed on America. Being a junkie for all things political at that time, I couldn’t wait for the sun to rise on the Democratic convention. I was particularly interested in Bill Clinton’s address to the faithful because, as Explainer-in-Chief during that last presidential election, he had been able to sway a majority of the population to stay the course and keep President Obama in office. His job for the upcoming election was even a greater challenge; he was assigned the task of humanizing Hillary and to show the country she was really a loving wife, mother and grandmother who dedicated her career to helping the downtrodden while fighting for women all over the world to gain equal rights. And, conversely, she is not the unaware automaton whose greed and quest for power was so great she caused the death of our Libyan ambassador by refusing to a launch a military rescue mission because it would destroy the narrative that the uprising was caused by a film denigrating the Islamic faith (not true, but it got really good air time on Fox { I watched that, too }).

So I popped my popcorn and seated myself directly in front of my TV, ready to watch Uncle Bill do his thing on the world stage. Finally, it was time for the major event. It was exciting. The anticipation was palpable. The way Bill decided to humanize his wife was by telling a love story chronicling their relationship from the beginning when they met in school, through their courtship and marriage, child-rearing and becoming grandparents, all the while peppering his rhetoric with all her public life accomplishments. But try as he might, the task was even too big for the Great Explainer. Hillary was never able to rid herself of the cold fish persona and Mr. Trump rallied in the last days of the election to win in a landslide (or mudslide).

I had two reactions to to Mr.Clinton’s efforts. First, Bill stole my idea about writing a life-long love story of their relationship. On this date last year I posted my Facebook anniversary ode to my wife, Gayle Kelly Foos, using that very same concept. It took me a long time to come up with the idea and compose it with wit and humor and he took it (I don’t know how he found it, though. We’re not Facebook friends). My second reaction was, “Mine was much better than his” (You can judge that for yourself in a minute). I believe I was better able to capture the heartfelt expression of our enduring relationship, but I must admit, I may have had better marriage material to work with. But, if Bill had asked me to help him write his love story instead of just stealing my concept, it is very likely we would be saying “Madame President” today. Your welcome.

So now, I want to say Happy Anniversary to my wife of 43 years, Gayle Kelly Foos. You have always been my inspiration. Last year I wrote my favorite post about our life together. I’m pretty sure I can’t top it, so I’m just going to repost it. I love you, Gayle, then, now and forever.
Jim

The 2016 Election, or; I Didn’t Know Pigs could Fly

Shalom everyone. Jim the Honorary Jew here. This little tome is a bit different from my regular JHJ soliloquies. It started as the introduction of another post dealing with Jewish laws and traditions that is almost ready for prime time. But after consulting my senior editors I have decided to let this part stand alone. After you have read it there is a 50/50 chance you will unfriend me and you won’t have to read what comes next.
You haven’t heard from me lately because I’ve been busy watching every minute of the presidential campaign on cable TV. I took it on like a science project, gathering slanted information from all three cable news outlets, consolidating responses and formulating conclusions. Oh, I had my favorites, but I must admit I watched them all. It was a lot like an addict watching porn. You know it’s going to cause long term damage, but you just can’t turn away. I was watching a slow motion wreck involving two garbage trucks, and I loved it! But then the unthinkable happened. My side lost. It was almost as bad as when the Cowboys lost the playoff game two years ago because of a bad call by the refs. Okay, it turned out to be the correct call, but they still lost and I’m still mad.
Since the results were announced at 3:00 AM on that Wednesday (of course I was watching) I have been trying to formulate a succinct argument that would demonstrate the faulty logic of the other side and lead them into the light. I have consulted individuals and experts from both sides of the political spectrum to further this quest. I then utilized my acerbic wit, logic and intelligence to craft a response befitting this conundrum while also keeping in mind the appropriate parsimony of an Occum’s razor response. I am pretty sure I’ve succinctly captured the sentiment of all eight Democrats in Victoria County with this retort, so here it is:

DONALD TRUMP IS A BIG FAT FATTY FAT MCFAT FAT LYING LIAR LIAR PANTS ON FIRE!

So there!